33 Funny Quotations About English: Say them with a Smile!

As an English teacher and a former student, I know the power of language and how our choice of words can change our mindset. The way we speak to others has a direct impact on their perception of us. The article highlights some key points on speaking correctly. So do you want to speak English well? These are the best quotes that will help you improve your speaking skills.

Quotations about English

Take a much-needed break from your day to check out these 10 funny quotations about English we found in stand-up comedy, books, plays, celebrity Twitter and interviews, as well as movies and TV shows, guaranteed to give you a quick chuckle.

1. “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” —Mitch Hedberg.

2. “We know we’re going to hell because we bought a ticket.” —Sharon Stone.

3. “And when God forgives me for this, I can’t wait! But, you know what? Maybe He won’t forgive me and maybe it’s not too late to start all over and live right.” —Gary Sinise.

4. “This time I’m telling the truth. This really is for me! You can trust me when I say this because back in my days of unbelief, there was a lot of smoke and mirrors… That’s how it works.” —Jerry Seinfeld.

5. “My friends, it’s clear to me…the way I see things is not the way they always seem.” —Jay Leno and Jimmy Fallon on ‘Tonight Show’ together in 2011.

6. “Not saying life is easy, but what you’ve got, dude, is an opportunity before you. You can make things happen for yourself; push past your limits… It’s time to go big!” —Shaq.

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7. “Being funny isn’t normal.” —Jay Leno.

8. “To laugh often and much; to win the respect of childish men, to earn the admiration of senile incompetents – that is it.” — Mark Twain.

9. “The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It’s a good non-specific symptom; I’m a big believer in it. A lot of people will tell you that a good phony fever is a deadlock, but you get a nervous mother, you could wind up in a doctor’s office. That’s worse than school. You fake a stomach cramp, and when you’re bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. It’s a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.” —Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick), Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.

10. “We’re going to see the world’s largest movie.” —Jerry Seinfeld.

What about these funny quotes about speaking English?

“Every German child learns to speak English in school.” —Cornelia Funke.

“I grew up in New York in an English-speaking environment”. —Erik Estrada.

“Who’d want to be a modernist writer in the English-speaking world?” —Will Self.

“If your computer speaks English, it was probably made in Japan.” — Alan Perlis.

“I’ve received some English-speaking scripts, but I was not interested in them.” —Audrey Tautou.

“I haven’t spoken English with native speakers in several months. I’ve been speaking Arabic.” —John Walker Lindh.

“I speak English and Spanish. I write in Spanish; my books are published in English.” —Isabel Allende.

“If you see the Sopranos, you’re not going to be speaking in Shakespearean English.” —Lucy Liu.

“Move beyond the educated elite, and the great majority in most countries outside Europe don’t speak English.” —Martin Jacques.

“I, unfortunately, don’t speak French, but my wife is now fluent in English, which really reflects rather badly on me.” —Sean Connery.

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“In school in Lebanon, we were not allowed to speak Arabic during breaks – it had to be French or English.” —Rabih Alameddine.

“Sure, I know that I cannot speak in proper English. I know that I can’t sing in proper English. I don’t care.” —Concha Buika.

“I grew up in a physical world, and I speak English. The next generation is growing up in a digital world, and they speak social.” —Angela Ahrendts.

“When I speak in English, my expressions become different. My attitude, too. I’m not sure why, but there really is a difference. My hands move differently when I speak English.” —Gong Li.

“My accent was horrible. In Mexico, nobody says, ‘You speak English with a good accent.’ You either speak English, or you don’t: As long as you can communicate, no one cares.” —Salma Hayek.

“The first question is always, ‘We loved him on ‘Dancing with the Stars,’ we loved him in the Olympics, but can he speak English?’ Yes, I speak English. Yes, I can.” —Apolo Ohno.

“Even though many Indians can read or speak English, for most, it is not their first language. At the office, we speak in English, but we consume our culture in our own language.” —Amish Tripathi.

“I’m used to shifting languages because my father used to speak to us, to my brother and I, he used to speak in English. He wanted us to be quite fluent in English, especially when he was trying to correct our behavior; he would do that in English.” —J. M. G. Le Clezio.

“I barely speak English.” —Eric Ripert.

“I’m sorry, I don’t speak English.” —Francesco Totti.

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“I’m too tired to speak in English…” —David Ginola.

“I speak two languages, Body and English.” —Mae West.

“I speak Italian, French, Creole and English.” —Meta Golding.

You can share these quotations about English with your friends and family to learn English properly.

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What is a good quote for a speech?

“Let thy speech be better than silence, or be silent.”

“What we say is important… for in most cases the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.”

“If you can’t write your message in a sentence, you can’t say it in an hour.”

“There are always three speeches, for every one you actually gave.

What’s a positive quote for today?

Top Positive Quotes

  • “The best is yet to be.”
  • “Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud.”
  • “Do good and good will come to you.”
  • “A positive mindset brings positive things.”
  • “Positivity always wins.”
  • “When things go wrong, don’t go with them.”
  • “Live life to the fullest and focus on the positive.”
  • “Keep looking up.”

How can I motivate myself to study quotes?

If you suffer from bad timing, then improving your speech will be easier. And if more people talk on the phone to improve their English speaking skills, they can give some great quotes for speeches and sermons as well!

So, how about these funny Quotes?

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

Remember the last time when someone was talking on the phone in English, they would exchange nice phrases or quotes with each other… Who will be able to help them here?

See also quotes about language learning.